As humans, we spend so much of our energy and brain power reliving bad memories from our past. Whatever we have done or have had done to us shows up as vivid images with our distorted perspectives. I say distorted perspective because we have a tendency to zoom in on what we think is important.

You probably are wrong about the perspective of a situation.

Say you had a really embarrassing moment in your life and you relive it over and over again and beat yourself up about it. Honestly, do you think that the others that witnessed your moment are still thinking about that event? They have their own moments they are thinking about. I don’t think anyone is thinking of the time I slipped in mud in 7th grade and didn’t have a change for clothes for the rest of the day. And, if they are, they need something more to do with their time.

For an example of something more hard hitting, you may relive an argument that you had with your friend or significant other and you get angry about something that they said, but if you analyzed the situation and practiced empathy, you could see that maybe they are half right or that maybe you are just wrong.

Getting beyond the anchors of our past requires that we look at ourselves through a lens of empathy and understanding. And, it requires that we know that we our are worst critics and our problems shouldn’t get the amount of attention we give them.